During lunch with friends recently, a couple of us having a good natured giggle over failed relationships in years gone by, I wondered, is there a guaranteed process for how to get your ex to like you again?
Surely it can’t be random chance… can it?
One of the most heart-wrenching experiences many of us will have is losing a partner and simply not knowing how to get them to like us again. After my fair share of research I can assure you there is a process you can use that, while not always a guarantee, will give you the best possible chance of getting your ex to like you. It involves a mix of mindset, opening techniques and methods of sparking interest, so let’s look into each of these and find out how you can implement them right away.
The goal we’re aiming for in this particular situation is to get our ex comfortable enough to hold a random conversation with us without any animosity or uncomfortable feelings.
It can be challenging to actually quantify what “get your ex to like you again” means, but being able to hold a friendly casual conversation is an excellent place to start and is a perfect springboard to bigger and better things.
Plus it’s quite versatile as the conversation can be held either in person or via text message, as is common nowadays and sometimes a better (i.e. less threatening or overbearing) way to go initially.
Before You Contact Your Ex, Get Your Mindset Right
Before you make that first (or next) call or text to your ex, you must make sure that your own mindset is in a strong and positive place so that you can make the most of the unfolding situation. Here’s how:
Nurture Your Own Self-Confidence
Boosting your self-confidence can be done in a number of ways, not least of which is knowing that you’ll be ok regardless of how things with your ex pan out.
Make sure that you fill your life with friends and family who bring you happiness and laughter, and who make you strive to be a better person all round.
In taking additional steps to surround yourself with people who are a positive influence you’ll not only be building your support group, you’ll also build rewarding non-intimate relationships with others which (importantly!) can ease the sometimes desperate feeling of having to win back your ex.
Additionally, remember to always put your best foot forward. In my mind I rarely feel as confident as when I’ve just had a makeover to look my best, and I suggest you do the same. You’ll feel amazing, and no doubt your ex will notice as well.
Self-Assess Any Prior Mistakes
What was the primary reason for your breakup? What were the aspects of your prior relationship that caused the most friction?
Identify these things very specifically and you’ve gone a long way towards remedying those problems.
Once you’ve identified the issues you can become extremely mindful of avoiding those problems in the future, and taking intentional steps to avoid situation that give rise to the issues in the future.
Making Contact With Your Ex Successfully
Now that you have the right mindset it’s time to pro-actively make contact with your ex in a specific way that’s non-confrontational and has the odds stacked in favour of the outcome you want. Here’s how:
The Opening Message
While every situation is different, sending a text could well be your best option given the fact that it’s a lot more casual than a call.
Keep your first contact light hearted and avoid anything to intense. For example, enquire on how they’re doing, and tell them about something you found funny which reminded you of the good times you had together.
The Ex Factor get your ex back guide has some excellent examples of text messages to use which are almost guaranteed to get a response, and you can read our full and detailed review of this program here.
The very last thing you want to do is come across as desperate. Initially, don’t hit your ex with anything that could be perceived as you wanting to get back together again. Doing so will likely frighten them off and end any chance of rekindling romance.
Nurturing The New Connection For Positive Outcomes
Once you’ve re-established the lines of communication there are tactics, or in some cases ‘rules’, you should follow in order to progress successfully to a place of comfortable future conversations, and the end goal of getting your ex to truly ‘like’ you once again:
Recall Happy Memories
As touched on in the ‘opening message’ section earlier, bringing up happy memories of shared times with your ex is an excellent way to not only break the ice, but also to nurture a renewed bond and fill interactions with smiles and laughter.
It will frame your interactions with positivity and be much more conducive to being on excellent terms with each other through reminiscing over shared times.
While the challenging parts of your prior relationship will likely have to be addressed at some point, make sure that at the beginning you’re bringing up some of the positive and funny memories first for you both to have a good natured laugh about.
Recall Intimate Memories
This has to be approached subtly, but getting your ex to remember your intimate times can be an excellent way to boost the interest in each other.
I must stress though, that subtlety is the key here.
A sneaky way to do this is to bring up a memory of good times together that ultimately led to intimacy. In this way one will simply lead into the other.
Ensure that this is done extremely casually as some ex’s may find it a little uncomfortable if the proper level of rapport hasn’t been re-established.
The last thing you want them to do is become uncomfortable at the thought of intimate times, so ease into it slowly, and chances are you’ll know when the time is right.
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If you’ve been able to reminisce over old time, intimate or not, you can also incorporate some flirting.
But, keep it low key and cautious to start with as you may scare them off if you come across too full on.
Some flirty eye contact, very low-key inuendo, or even a casual yet playful touch, can be extremely effective in making them want to continue engaging with you.
If you find that your ex doesn’t respond well to your flirting however, dial it right back or better yet stop the flirting entirely until you feel the bond has strengthened some more.
Return to casual conversation and go back to showing interested in them generally.
Create The Feeling Of Absence
Once you’ve set the ground work and have re-established positive relations with your ex on a friends level, it’s time to create a sense of absence.
As the saying goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
However you should also ensure that you’re not staying so absent that they move on and find interest elsewhere.
Every situation and person will be different, and it would be remiss of me to suggest a strict contact schedule.
After all, what works for me may not work for you.
Use your instinct to determine the best times to initiate contact such that it’s not pressuring or uncomfortable for your ex, but with long enough delays that they have a chance to miss you.
The more you’re able to have positive and engaging conversations with them, especially with some laughs over shared memories, the more effective giving them a sense of absence will be.
Ultimately, the goal is to use this sense of absence to get them to contact you randomly without any specific reason other than they just want to engage with you on some level.
Perhaps the hardest aspect of all is being patient, and it’s also possibly the most important aspect of all to get right.
If you come on too strong then you almost certainly will scare them off.
With text messages so quick and easy to send it becomes very easy to come across as overbearing and even desperate if you start firing off message after message.
You must resist this urge.
If your first message isn’t answered, don’t keep up a barrage of messages which will only make them close off from you.
Wait a few days, even a week, and send another similar message.
Ensure that you set your expectations correctly. Going from break up to friends again isn’t going to happen overnight.
As your contact becomes warmer and friendlier over time you can gradually increase the frequency of contact, whether that be in person or via text message.
While you may be in a position of emotional pain or desperation right now, know that this is normal and that you don’t have to feel helpless or feel like you have a lack of direction.
Eve now you are most definitely in control of your own destiny and there are definitely steps and processes you can take to mend things with your ex.
Is the above a sure-fire guaranteed process? Let’s put it this way; if you incorporate the above tips and techniques into your own situation then you’ll allow yourself to be in the best position possible to get your ex to like you again.
And if you want to take it a huge step further you could even invest in yourself by checking out highly detailed and effective Ex Factor program which I have reviewed here.
My intention in writing this article is to not only illustrate that no break up is a lost cause, but also to give you solid steps you can start working on right away to get your ex to like you again.
All the best in life, love and happiness – Bekka