Recently, a friend of mine who had parted ways amicably with her boyfriend of two years, was lamenting over the fact that while they were on speaking terms she now wanted to rekindle the romantic relationship.
It’s a place so many of us have been… how to get your ex boyfriend to want you back?
After a lengthy round table discussion to ensure she was doing it for the right reasons (love is enough of a reason, right?) our posse of ladies put our heads together and realised that there are distinct success steps that anyone can follow to get their ex boyfriend to want them back.
These broad steps are:
Let’s take a deep-dive look at each in turn…
It should be noted that this article assumes that you’re on speaking terms with your ex.
If you’re not at this point yet then you’ll benefit massively from our article on how to get your ex to like you again which is packed full of useful content to get you back onto speaking terms.
1. Assess The Original Relationship To Fix Future Problems
As much as making him want you again is about renewing the attraction he felt for you, even more importantly is completing a thorough assessment of the relationship you had to figure out exactly what went wrong.
The more constructive and honest with yourself that you can be the more value you’ll get out of this exercise and the greater the chance of making him want you again.
The Perfect “Get Him Back” Game Plan
The process of getting your man back is always benefited by considering the steps required to achieve that objective, rather than haphazardly approaching it without any forethought.
The broad steps are to assess what went wrong, remedy those things where you can, work on yourself and your mindset to be your best ‘You’, and then build attraction.
Each step, which is outlined in this article, builds on the last so that by the time you’re in a position to start wow-ing him again you have the odds stacked in your favor.
You must, however, resist the urge to jump forward.
For example, if you launch straight into a conversation about how you want to restart the relationship, prior to working on why the original one failed, or prior to working on the attraction points, you are most likely going to scare him away or get an extremely apathetic response.
To experience the best possible chance of success you must be patient and follow each of the points below to the best of your ability.
The following points are, in general terms, your perfect “get him back” game plan which you can build on to suit your own unique situation.
Baby Step Improvements
It’s so important it’s worth mentioning again – be patient.
Regardless of how much you might want it, rushing the process will almost always end in frustration and failure.
Building attraction again can take time, do not try to force it, and reconcile in your mind that you will have to progress one step at a time and sometimes those steps will be small.
Celebrate any little step you do take however, give yourself a pat on the back, and move onto the next step knowing that you’re moving in the right direction.
Know The Reasons Things Ended
Usually it’s fairly obvious why a relationship ended.
However it’s worth assessing both the obvious and the subtle reasons that things didn’t work out.
While you may be the one initiating getting back together, you must also be aware of what aspects were a problem for you and be willing to stand up say that you cannot accept them if things are to move forward.
On the flip side, you should also be willing to listen to what the problems were for your ex, which brings us to the next point…
What Did You Do!? 😉
Relationships are a two way street, and when a relationship breaks down it can often be the case that the problems stem from both parties.
And while it can be hard to acknowledge, sometimes the bulk of the problems can be of our own doing.
This is not the time for us to stick our heads in the sand.
Rather, it’s a time for very open and honest self-reflection to genuinely assess your role in the break up of the original relationship, and be unflinching in identifying exactly how you contributed.
Writing them down can be enormously beneficial (you can always destroy it later) as bring clarity to what happened and better allow you to remedy those problems.
Once you’ve identified these points, you must:
It should be noted that I’m not talking about compromising here. I’m talking specifically about actively avoiding the things you know troubled the relationship the first time round and avoid doing them or find suitable workarounds.
Let The Past Be The Past
Given you’re committing to rekindling an old flame you also have to commit letting the past be the past.
If you can’t forgive and forget the negative aspects or situations from your prior relationship you should avoid any attempts at rekindling the relationship you had.
This doesn’t mean you should be ok with experiencing the same negativity the second time round, but rather work on ensuring that both parties approach any new relationship with reconciliation in mind and moving forward to an even stronger partnership.
Be honest with yourself here, ask yourself the hard questions and make sure you’re at peace with anything and everything that happened prior and are willing to move on.
2. Present Your Best Self To Super-Boost Your Chance Of Relationship Success
The following steps of this section revolve around being the best person you can be.
Besides giving you the best chance of attracting the man it also arms you with the confidence to be ‘ok’ and at peace if things don’t work out the way you envision them.
I’m Quite Fine On My Own Thank You
Get yourself to a place where you’re comfortable being single.
If you’re going through the motions to get your ex boyfriend back simply because you can’t stand to be alone, then you’re doing it for the wrong reasons.
You must want this specific person back because you know in your heart that you see a bright future and that together you will make each other happier than if you were apart.
However, you must be realistic and realise that not everything in life works out. There is a chance that you could do everything right and still not get the man on this particular occasion.
Should this happen, it’s imperative that you’ve already filled your life with enough value, excitement and alternative relationships so that living the single life is hugely rewarding for you.
Make the effort to regularly nurture relationships with family and friends at every opportunity, and continue learning new things and having new experiences.
Soon enough you will realise while having a man can add a dose of happiness to life, having a man is not necessarily living life.
Quality ‘You’ time
This is an extension of the last point and requires you to take some time away from your ex to clear your head, assuming of course that haven’t already had the chance to do so.
In pampering yourself in any way that makes you happier, and giving yourself time to think through what you’re trying to achieve with your ex, you’ll find that you get a lot more clarity on the best course of action.
So don’t be in a rush to zoom through these steps.
Take your time, and while you’re doing the things that make you happy let your subconscious give some idle thought towards the whole process.
Be The Woman He Truly Desires
If you’re set on getting your ex to want you back, there’s a chance that you may have to change your approach to some aspects of how you would normally do things.
This is not to say that you can’t be yourself, however in order to make a relationship work we sometimes have to compromise.
If his desire is for a woman who takes an interest in the same things he’s interested in then work on spending more time doing those things.
If his desire is for a woman with a certain style then consider altering your own style to suit.
This aspect is balancing act that sensitively personal to you and your situation.
There’s little point in changing yourself dramatically in order to please a man if it’s going to make you someone you’re not comfortable with or less happy for any reason.
So give the situation a lot of deep thought, and be the woman he truly desires to the extent that you’re comfortable with any required change on your behalf.
No one else can answer this question of change for you, as only ‘You’ knows how you truly feel.
3. Build Attraction Through Specific Interactions To Make Him Want You Back
There are specific things you can do to build attraction in a relationship, some of them rooted in proven psychology, and some of the most powerful listed below.
Plus once you’ve started building the attraction again you can take things a big step further with our 23 ‘actionable’ methods on how to get man to miss you article here.
So how can you reignite the fire of the old relationship and follow a suitable game plan from this point…?
Display A New Persona
There are two aspects to this point.
Firstly, you’ve already done the hard yards in assessing specifically what went wrong with the original relationship, and adjusting your approach to your current friendship with you ex and any new relationship that may form.
So in this sense your new persona is a new and improved You in the context of approaching your ex and any relationship you share in a more understanding manner.
Secondly, your persona can be ‘freshened’ in terms of your style or ‘look’, the activities you fill your life with, and your overall positive attitude and outlook.
Changing yourself, even subtly, can add a hint of mystery and keep him guessing about the new You.
And in many cases an good dose of mystery leads to attraction.
Keep Conversation General
In the beginning keep the conversations centered on general yet interesting topics and humor.
It’s essential at this point that you don’t bring up anything related to getting back together or formally dating again, as you run the risk of scaring him away.
Instead, keep it light, bring up funny memories without touching on anything too emotional, and have fun the way you would with any other friend.
Quality ‘Him’ Time
Don’t be in a rush to communicate or meet with him constantly.
He will need space to be himself and the last thing you want to do is make him feel pressured.
As mentioned previously, with regards to how often you communicate with him simply treat him as you would any other male friend.
Not Even Desperate
As hard as it may be at times, you should start by acting super casual and nonchalant when you’re with your ex boyfriend.
This will get him relaxed with you with the aim of making him believe that you’re just not interested in getting back together.
Don’t take it so far that he thinks you’re disinterested however.
Once you feel he’s in a comfort zone you can start to increase the attraction techniques to win him back.
Please Leave A Message…
Once you’re certain he’s starting to feel attraction for you again, it’s time to make yourself a little scarce.
On occasion let his calls go to message bank. Sometimes leave responding to his text messages for longer than usual.
Perhaps even reduce how often you see him once you know he’s trying to get more of your time.
As the saying goes, ‘we want what we can’t have’. So by doing these things (within reason) you’ll make him miss you and keep thinking about you, ultimately leading to greater attraction and likelihood that he’ll want you back.
Pump The Intimacy Brakes
This is a powerful extension of the previous point.
Delay being intimate. If you give yourself to him too soon he may feel it’s a one-off fling.
This is the last thing you want, so making him wait at least a little for sex will drive him crazy and make him want you all the more.
Having him in this state of mind will put you in a much more powerful position for bringing up the sensitive topic of getting back together, or may even make him bring it up himself.
Don’t Have Tunnel Vision
Be mindful of how things are progressing and be honest with yourself if things aren’t working out.
Remember that you’ve built a wealth of awesome friends and family around you, that your life is amazing, and that you’ll absolutely be ok if he’s not the man for you.
However… having said that, if you follow the game plan you’ll most definitely be putting yourself in the best position possible to get your ex boyfriend to want you back.
If you’ve enjoyed this article and website and still want more then head on over to our review of The Ex Factor Guide which is the be all and end all of get your ex back programs.
It’s a super comprehensive, digitally delivered program that delves into everything you need to know to build the strongest relationship possible with your ex.
What Has Worked for You To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Do you have a special technique that’s worked wonders for you or someone you know to get their ex back?
Comment below and join the conversation to let us know any techniques you’ve had success with!
All the best in life, love and happiness.
Hi, I'm Bekka! 🙂
Thanks so much for stopping by RelationshipFruit .com! As someone who struggled with men and relationships for quite some years I’m happy to say that my current long-term relationship could not possibly be any better! Slowly but surely this website is becoming the embodiment of everything I’ve learnt and studied over the years to improve myself and understand those crazy (and lovable!) creatures called men. Please make yourself at home, check out my articles to learn from my mistakes, and connect with me anytime in the comments 😘