You open up your social media account of choice, and there he is unexpectedly at the top of your feed quite obviously having fun with other people.
A pang of emotion hits you and you realise that you miss him. Badly.
There’s no avoiding the fact that your ex boyfriend is moving on, and suddenly you’re hit with the resolve to figure out once and for all how to get your ex back when he has moved on.
As you’re reading this article then this, or something similar, is likely your situation. And you’ve come to exactly the right place.
In getting your ex back there are three critical make or break aspects which I’ve identified after many long chats with the girls in my close social circle, that will largely determine if you’re successful or not. In broad terms they comprise of avoiding attraction blocks, intensifying attraction and correct steps to intimacy, and we will take a deep dive discussion into each in turn.
Not included in these three points however is the fact that he may be with another woman, which is something we’ll also cover.
Initially though, we’ll work on how to approach your ex with reigniting the attraction again as the main goal.
The three critical broad aspects of how to get your ex back when he has moved on are as follows:
Given that he’s moved on, these three points make the following assumptions:
If you’re in a position of not being on speaking terms with your ex then check out this article on how to get your ex to like you again first (for convenience the link will open a new window for you).
Ok, grab yourself a drink and get comfortable, and let’s dive in…
1. Build Bridges To Successfully Get Past Prior Attraction Blocks
There was a reason you broke up with your boyfriend, possibly numerous reasons.
And whatever they were, they were enough to block any attraction one person in the relationship had for the other to a sufficient degree that the relationship ended.
Without addressing those reasons head on any attempts to start things over with your ex will most likely be doomed to failure.
These attraction blocks revolve around ways that you or him conducted yourselves during the relationship that ultimately led to it ending, or, aspects of either person that didn’t gel properly with the other over time.
Equally as important is addressing any fallout feelings that you yourself are experiencing from the break up or experienced in the lead up to going your separate ways.
In light of these aspects of personal conduct and residual break-up feelings, here are some of the main points you need to consider in detail before contacting your ex again so that you can move forward as confidently as possible:
Stop Insecurity And Desperation
There’s two parts to this point; stopping insecurity for your own benefit, and stopping it for his benefit.
From the perspective of his benefit, virtually everyone agrees that confidence and security in one’s self is supremely attractive in another person.
Therefore, conversely, insecurity, neediness and desperation has quite the opposite effect and for all intents and purposes is not attractive at all.
If you feel insecure about your prior or future relationship with your ex then you must realise that he will pick up on this extremely easily and I guarantee you it will be a turn off for him.
So what to do?
This is where you need to find ways to drop the insecurity once and for all so that you’re a confident, capable and self-reliant woman who lives life to the fullest.
This can take the form of such things as sprucing up your look or altering your overall style, starting an exercise program, expanding your social circle, even getting your finances in order.
All of these things will have you feeling confident and secure in who you are both inside and out, and this will naturally and strongly present itself to other people who interact with you.
Do what you can to fix yourself first and foremost, and the rest will fall into place.
So what if you know that you have some work to do to get yourself to a point of increased confidence, well this brings us to the next point in getting past attraction blocks…
Stop Contact If You Haven’t Already
Any insecurity and desperation at this point will be doing harm to your chances of getting back with you ex after he’s moved on.
If this is the situation you find yourself in, stop contact immediately.
First you must work on yourself, and while improving yourself doesn’t necessarily have to take a significant amount of time, there’s no need to rush things either.
Remember we’re coming from a point of him already having moved on, and your approach won’t substantially change whether you start down the path of reigniting the flame today or a month from now.
So now that you’ve halted all contact for a least a little while, here’s what you must do in the mean time…
Here you must be extremely honest with yourself and take responsibility for any aspects of the original relationship that were problematic due predominantly to ‘You’.
No one is perfect and this is not an exercise in beating yourself up over the past.
Rather, it’s a time to reflect on how you can avoid doing anything problematic during any and all future interactions with your ex which might see you end up in exactly the same position.
As they say, “if you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten”.
It helps to write down what the original problem was and a solution on how to avoid it, as it will solidify the ‘fix’ in your mind and greatly assist in being mindful of it in the future.
An example of a solution sentence would be, “To avoid doing which I know frustrated my partner, in the future I will instead do , or discuss the problem with him to jointly find a solution for the benefit of us both.”
But, what if the majority of the problems in the original relationship weren’t of your making…
No Hard Feelings
If the bulk of the problems that led to the break up were of his doing, then you must first ensure that you’re not going to hold any grudges or be resentful moving forward.
If you cannot genuinely achieve this state of mind then he is simply not the one for you.
This is not to say that you should forgive and totally forget.
Rather, resolve to forgive, and bring up any of these prior sticking points ONLY once you’ve just started formally dating again.
Bringing them up anytime sooner will be extremely detrimental to what you’re trying to achieve, and would be akin to nagging him about something he did when your relationship was very different (i.e. intimate partners as opposed to the friends you are now).
Once dating, you will be at the point where he will be wanting to solidify the relationship once more and will be open and amenable to working on ways to ensure the relationship is stronger than ever before.
Ensure You’re Fine Without Him First
Having said all of that, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
We occasionally need a healthy dose of reality, and the reality here is that sometimes things don’t work and the fairy tale ending doesn’t always eventuate.
With this in mind you must ensure that you remain confident and secure in yourself first, during period of no contact, and before you contact him again.
Pin-Point What Attracted Him Initially
Now that you’ve self-assessed your role in the original split and know how to remedy these challenges in the future, it’s time for the enjoyable aspect of pin-pointing exactly what made him attracted to you in the first place.
How did you catch the man?! 😋
Aim to note down the top three things which you believe were most important to him. For example, these things could include:
– an aspect of your style or how you look
– one or more of your hobbies or interests
– something intimate 😉
– an interesting occupation
Once you’ve noted down the top three attraction points he saw in you make an effort to bring them to the forefront of your life.
Again, it will be extremely beneficial to write these top three attraction points down, and also a sentence or two on how you will make them more prominent in your life so that he can’t help but notice.
So you’re emphasising your strong attraction points to get his attention, and in doing so putting yourself in the drivers seat so to speak, but be prepared for him to throw you an occasional curve ball…
Be Prepared To Change Your Approach In Any New Relationship
In short, be prepared for surprises and for him to bring up things you weren’t expecting.
Everyone has a unique experiences which generate unique views of a situation, and you may have misread some of his problems with the original relationship.
Ensure that you’re completely open to hearing any of his potential grievances and requests to remedy them, even though some of them may be unexpected and hurtful in some way shape or form.
Again, none of us are perfect. Don’t take anything he says personally (easy to say… 🙄) and use it as an opportunity to become closer than ever.
Note here that it’s not the time to be bringing these things up, rather it’s a time to be preparing yourself mentally for any unexpected hurdles that present themselves and being in a super strong position to tackle them together.
How To Make Contact In A Way That Will Bring The Best Chance Of Success
At this point you’ve got your head space all cleared up and you’re ready to progress to contacting your ex again.
The key here is to be extremely casual and non-pressuring.
As you are already on speaking terms it shouldn’t be anything unusual or dramatic to touch base via text message. (If you’re not on speaking terms, see this article on getting your ex to simply ‘like’ you again, or jump straight to program to end all programs to get your ex back here.)
Text messages are an excellent way to reopen communication as they’re very informal which is the approach you’re looking for.
While your situation will be unique, you could suggest to him that you get together to do something fun that you know you both enjoy, even if it’s just a casual lunch at a restaurant you both like, and, even if it includes other people as well to take the pressure off.
Remember you don’t want him to think you’re trying to date again just yet.
Once you’ve locked in an outing with him, you’re ready to take it up a gear and move onto the next stage…
2. Nail The Initial Outings For The Best Chance Of Success
Know His Attraction Triggers And Emphasise Them In Yourself
You’ve already noted down the top three points of attraction that you know gets his attention.
All you need to do during this first meeting is make sure that these points are evident to him and can be casually brought up in discussion.
Make a point of subtly introducing them into the conversation in an extremely casual, even blasé manner, even if they’re things he can visually see.
Just don’t go over the top, off-handed few comments will often suffice to start things off.
At this stage this is the core approach to reigniting his interest and desire for you, in combination with being extremely casual and ‘friendly’.
Having said that, there are, however, certain other aspects that you must be aware of and keep top of mind during the initial outings in order to get the best and quickly result possible…
Meet Again On Non-Threatening Ground
For your first outing ensure it’s a place that isn’t overly romantic and has no strong connection to previous romantic occasions for you both.
Your aim here is to avoid making him think this is anything close to a formal date, and is just one friend hanging out with another.
A lunch is more casual than a dinner so aim for a midday get together.
Ideally a laid back restaurant, café or diner that you know you will both enjoy.
If a meal doesn’t work for you then an outing where you both have mutual interests is quite ok. For example: a sporting event, an afternoon festival of some kind, or even weekend markets could work very well.
The point here is to fly under the radar and let him think you’ve totally friend-zoned him.
Be aware that you are now ‘friends’, and any intimate closeness you had prior is now gone.
The reason this is important is so that you don’t step over the line and do something that couples would do rather than what friends would do.
This has the danger of making him think you have an agenda of getting back together, and while this may be true you don’t want to telegraph it to him outright right from the beginning.
So assume you’re strictly friends only and in some ways getting to know each other again, and at the early stages only increase to intimacy of any kind if he initiates it.
Be The First To Apologize
While the initial outing is too early to be bringing up deep discussions of past problems and transgressions, it’s very good form to be ready to touch on them if he brings them up.
With this in mind, be prepared to take responsibility for any challenges that you personally may have caused or been a party to, and be the first to apologize.
Don’t dwell on the subject at this early stage (unless he wants to have a mature and responsible discussion about it), simply give a genuine apology and move on.
This will show you to be the responsible, mature woman that you are, and he will appreciate that.
3. Correct Steps To Intimacy And Getting The Timing Right
Mutual Interest Hang-outs
At first it may seem odd or uncomfortable to hang out at random places just as friends.
Or perhaps you’re just not quite at the stage where you can both hang out together just for the sake of it.
If this is the case then find something to do together, that can possibly be repeated on a regular basis if required, which you both enjoy.
The point here is to take it beyond the initial casual outing and do something with him regularly.
Some somewhat random examples include: exercising together, hiking locally, doing something art related if you’re both into that, maybe even taking a class together to learn more about something you both enjoy.
Everyone’s situation is extremely unique so think about things you can do together regularly as you begin to see your ex more often.
Move On From Text Friends
While text messages are great to break the ice in many respects, you don’t want to have the bulk of your interactions by text alone.
You’ll get the man by spending time with him one on one or in a group, not by text messaging.
The goal is to ‘see’ him as much as possible without showing any signs of desperation, not to become text friends.
Get Him To Miss You
As you increase the attraction again through ongoing hangouts and casually presenting yourself as the woman he desires, you should start to use techniques that will make him miss you while you aren’t around.
These can be anything from highlighting the great life you’re leading now, to leaving items in his car that you’ll eventually have to pick up (make out like it was a mistake to leave it), and even making yourself a little scarce once you’re certain he’s becoming romantically interested in you again.
The point is to give him reminders of you especially where it highlights your attractive qualities, and to intentionally leave him wanting more.
By doing this you will definitely have him thinking about you more and ultimately he will miss you when you’re not around.
For a super detailed article with 23 ‘actionable’ way on how to make a man miss you simply click the picture.
Bring Up The ‘Idea’ Of A Formal Date
Assuming an intimate moment hasn’t developed of it’s own accord, you’ll need to eventually bring up the idea of a formal date.
Before you do this however you MUST be sure that he’s started to become romantically attracted to you again.
Failure to do this will bring about a good chance that he’ll pull away from you.
If you follow all parts of this article properly he should eventually start to show signs of attraction, and this will usually come in the form of flirting, be it physical or verbal.
Once you get these queues it’s time to casually bring up the idea of formal date, which can be a nice dinner at a restaurant you both enjoy.
You can suggest to him somewhere new if you’re slightly unsure as to his intentions, and if he balks then this will make it seem a little like you’re just friends trying a new restaurant and play it off as such.
Or, if you’re sure he’s totally interested in you again, you could suggest going to an old favorite restaurant which will hint at happier times of the past and suggests where the future will go.
Once he says yes to this ‘date’ you’re at the point of beginning a romantic relationship again and you can move forward much more strongly that you ever have before.
It’s now time that you can both discuss where you went wrong previously and have mature and responsible discussions about how you can both improve yourselves moving forward.
How to Get Your Ex Back When He Has Moved On With Someone Else
Think About His Happiness
Is he genuinely happy with the woman he’s with?
If so you’ll need to give some serious thought to whether you want to pursue your ex boyfriend.
Things can get very ugly and messy when trying to split an ex from his current girlfriend so that you can win him back, and you must weigh whether the outcome for him being with you is ultimately better than the outcome for him being with his present girlfriend.
While it can be extremely difficult to do, you must be completely selfless and if you think him and his girlfriend are a fantastic match then it may be a wise decision to let them make the most of their relationship.
This is a moral and ethical question that only You can decide on for yourself and your own unique situation.
The Slight Change In Process
While this is a huge subject in and of itself, if he is seeing another woman then process of winning him back doesn’t materially change other than to be aware of the following:
Super Casual Is Key
If there is the slightest hint that you have an agenda of getting your ex boyfriend back, his current girlfriend will very swiftly force him to cut off contact with you totally.
This is human nature.
To avoid this you must be super casual and non-threatening, even to the extent that you show yourself publicly on social media with other guy friends so that she can see it.
If you’re about to ‘something’ that gives you even a second’s pause because it might trigger his girlfriends jealousy, don’t do it.
Keep it strictly under the radar.
Get Him Alone
However you achieve while keeping the last point in mind, you simply must get him alone in order to go through the game plan of getting him back.
The key here is to either manipulate the situation to where you know he’ll be able to get time away from her, again an ethical question for You only, or you’ll need to have her so comfortable with you that she doesn’t mind him spending time with you while she’s not around.
Once you’re able to start hanging out together alone you can begin going through the steps as taught.
Possibly Include Her Sometimes
If you want to truly fly under the radar then include his girlfriend in outings with you and your ex.
This can work even better in a group situation or if you bring a guy friend along.
The point here is to make her drop her guard around you, as challenging as that may be.
Remember, flying under the radar is key so that you can get him alone.
Once you’re able to spend some alone time with him without setting off alarm bells with his girlfriend you’ll be able to move through the full game plan in this article.
If after all of this information you’re still hungry for more suggestions, example scenarios and situations, and super detailed processes for winning him back, check out our review of the Ex Factor Guide here.
The amount of detail is provides is outstanding and it comes highly recommended!
What Has Worked for You To Get Your Ex Back When He Has Moved On?
Have you succeeded in rekindling love with an ex after they’ve moved on?
Comment below and join the conversation to let us know any techniques you’ve had success with!
All the best in life, love and happiness.
Hi, I'm Bekka! 🙂
Thanks so much for stopping by RelationshipFruit .com! As someone who struggled with men and relationships for quite some years I’m happy to say that my current long-term relationship could not possibly be any better! Slowly but surely this website is becoming the embodiment of everything I’ve learnt and studied over the years to improve myself and understand those crazy (and lovable!) creatures called men. Please make yourself at home, check out my articles to learn from my mistakes, and connect with me anytime in the comments 😘